For the past two months I’ve been a bit more absent on social media. I have found myself doing the on and off thing with youtube and blogging for the past year, it isn’t until two months ago that I realized that I have taken all of the joy out of blogging and making videos for myself. I make myself feel obligated and put out something on my blog or YouTube even if I have some stuff going on in my life that I should be prioritizing. Don’t get my wrong I love blogging and making videos, but when it becomes a chore as opposed to a passion that’s when the problem starts. I have gotten to the point now where I really miss blogging and making videos and am taking time to do it instead of homework at the moment because I want as opposed to dreading having to make my daily post in the past because I did have a lot of homework to do.
I’m not going to make any promises any more about the frequencies of my posts but I will say that much more is on the way because I have a lot more to say. I want to expand my content to more than just talking about my feeling and experiences in college to also talking about current events and my response to what is happening in the world. I also want to make some different content on my channel, I will keep posting some of the OG sit down chatty videos but I also want to put more effort into the videos and post some things that are not just me…. you’ll see soon I guess.
On this “hiatus” I haven’t been sitting around doing nothing but school; I’ve actually been writing some scripts and living my life. I have this summer and this year to be one of creation and one thing I’m trying to work on is to develop a “just do it” mind set and pursue things even though I might not know exactly what I am doing. I want to direct at least 4 short films this year and in my mind I want them all to be perfect. I know it won’t be no matter how hard I try because everyone’s first time doing anything is not perfect but I just want to put my best foot forward.
When I started youtube I was in this honeymoon period where I didn’t really know what I was doing but I made videos as much as I could because I was absolutely in love with the platform. Making videos by myself with just me and the camera in the room is most ME I had ever felt for my whole life. I am a weird individual and human interaction in a casual setting is weird for me sometimes that’s why I’m one of those people that only need a few close friends as opposed to a whole bunch of friends. (At least that’s what I keep telling myself) It’s the same thing with me and emotion around people it’s hard for me to show any emotion but happiness and like annoyance I guess as well as my normal state. This and Youtube has been my emotional outlet for the past year. I find it much easier to expressing myself on paper or in front of a camera than to another person.
I remember writing a piece in my school newspaper last year about my feeling on black beauty and my personal insecurities. To me, that piece was really easy to write but super nerve-racking putting it out for the whole school to read knowing that people still would not understand or feeling that they were the source of my resentment because they once asked to feel my hair. My point is, it isn’t easy to put yourself out there, but you get over the nerves and the impact of your words is greater than any fear you may have felt. I feel like writing and making videos has been my support line through all my rough paths because I really need this creative outlet.
I am so excited for all the Black creativity that will prosper this year and I can’t to play a role in that creativity in the near future.